why in the world would i title this stupid collection of ramblings

I have to in this order:

Study French african countries and capitales, also vocab
25 math problems
do the history readings because theres a quiz tomorrow
do the mass amount of bio i have to make up
do the english literary letters

BAH

 this is my post, um. POST. there.

 

 do we go abck on the 7th or 8th? help.

look a puppy

Quick! Someone yell at me!  

...ow...

tok marta and haley to cape cod and had a super lovely time. listened to music on the way down, watched stay alive and trigun and ate pizza upon arrival, haley and i slept in one bed, marta in the other, then we got up and watched saturday morning cartoons, and ate cereal, went walking on the beach, imaginating and collecting shells, went shopping and bought cookies and cheesy crackers and had a mini feast, but were still hungry and marta and mom had to pee so we stopped at mcdonalds and got fat. then slept on the car ride home...

secrets...everyones talking about secrets...do i keep secrets?...i cant remember...

ok everyone duck1130 is jen so add her as ur friend mmkay?

my parents love me and i know it anyone who reads this if i start trash talking them slap me. hard.

... my parents are thinking about letting me go back to littleton next year and if they say yes, im going. i dont even have to think about it at this piont. my soul is dieing at lawrence and im very disgusted with myself all. the. time. its not normal for me. and i miss all of us being together. i want it to b last year again. T_T i constently ask myself wtf was i thinking letting my parents talk me into this. i i always answer the same way. i was not ready for high school anywhere especailly not in littleton. since ngp is like going back to kindergarden it didnt freak me out and now that ive got a hang of it i think littleton wont make me want to kill myself. last year was the best but it made me unprepared for high school entirely because i care too much. i give myself away. soon there will be nothing left but a hollowed out shell of who i once was. i dont want to become one of these super depressed rich kids whose parents consantly give guilt money to make up for them not being there or being awful to them. i dont want to have to deal with the fucked up ness of the world. for chrissakes what is wrong with humanity?! we fucking destroy everything we touch! and im rambling and need to stop. and i probably wont post this....or maybe i will (as i hit the post button) i need to get some self control. and i need to write now. the drunken naked man commands it. and marta explain to me the analogy for ur mind again, i got calvins but i totally forgot urs....

i dunno what it is but its there. not depression. not sadness. not anger per say. i think its must be disgust. oh how i know thee well. i welcome it with open arms. alack alack alack....repetition. thats why i hate school. the same exact thing, every. single. fucking. day. its like bashing ur head against a wall. do it long enough and the pain ebbs away, not long after that ur either unconsious or dead. i should be doing homework....i really should. but again with the "why should i?" attidude. and they thought sending me to private school would make it all go away. poor, pathetic, hopeful beings. go buy a car or something for chrissakes. dont waste ur time or money. some things just wont go away. the rain only cleanses so much....

WHY THE HELL NOT! ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! DONT TRY TO SOLVE MY PROBLEMS UNTIL YOU SOLVE YOUR OWN! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!
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...old habits, die hard.

i need to kill/hurt something, marta, get over here now. and i need someone to talk me out of it, haley, my inner vioce alone isnt working anymore...i need you guys...

must remember to not get attached. you are not  who i imagine you to be, want you to be. you never can be that person, those people. i must remember that the only one trying is me and that if i left it wouldnt effect your life as much as if you left my life. must remember to kill self. must remember to not get attached.

tommorrow i revert back to old habits, i feel the twitches and tendacies(sp?) coming back to me. no denying, no stopping. hopefully only for one day. because ive given away too much of myself already.

sitting here with a bandaid on my leg to stop the blood from running down my leg cause its annoying. trying to finish all this fucking homework. the sky is tinted red...dont tell me the sun's rising already. oh shit i need to go pretend to sleep. no more chugging whatever the hell that drink was. ever. oh btw my leg is/was bleeding cause i was running after fenn and izzy and i tripped, fell, and rolled. on the pavement. ouch. and everybody laughed at me. weeee katies hurt. lets stand over her and laugh. hahaha soo funny. im ok though. ^_^ sleepytime....

i havent updated in a bit and i feel i should but i have nothing to say and so i die die die die die die ok im dead now.